The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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