Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
