I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
