once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
