Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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