Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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