can we get nightvision for the apartment?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Olympian is in my bed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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