where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
