i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
