lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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