Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
