WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
