I'm passing your future prison.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
