what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
