this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
