Where is the hickey?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
