One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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