I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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