Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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