my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
