I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think people are normalizing furries
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
