Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
