So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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