Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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