let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
