Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
