Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
