Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize