do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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