those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
