I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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