I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
