I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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