My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
