good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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