The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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