Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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