Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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