using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
