the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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