her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
