literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
