i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
