I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
