I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
