i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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