Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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