APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
