My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
