so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
