we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
