covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize