Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
