i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
