I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize