Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
