we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
