Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
