R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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