I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
