If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize