TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
