I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
