yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
