Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
