I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
