my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
