we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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