i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
