Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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