I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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