i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
