I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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