Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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