PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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