Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
